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you-are-forever-special · 1 year ago

Note

Uh oh! The power is out in your OC's place of residence. -Do they know what to do and who to call when this happens? Or do they let someone else handle that? -How many candles would they light in order to feel comfortable in the dark? -What do they do to pass the time? Are any of their hobbies applicable without power? -At what point do they start to get antsy? Would they get to a point of panic?

(⚡️ Thank you~!)

Taiga was sitting at her desk, ruminating on her list of things she should probably do, at least by tomorrow, responsibility-wise.

It wasn't too bad since she was staying on top of everything, as per usual...

Taiga took pride in what she did, after all.

But it was still good to try and remind herself to leave room for self-discipline.

Although, it proved to be difficult at times with how distracted-

...Oh wow, that was an extremely gorgeous butterfly!

Was that a Lamproptera meges!?

'Wait, no, my mind *must* be playing tricks on her.

They don't live in North America, ri-?

...

Oh my GOD. Stop.

Focus.

Please!'

Taiga got lost in thought once again, and as she blinked and realized she was just staring out the window for a long time, she realized that this wasn't going anywhere...

So.

Maybe a little break to just sit... and be... was needed.

"You deserve it, Taiga... Try not to beat yourself up. You know you get too hard yourself. Take a few breaths. You can't be one hundred percent all the time. Let yourself have this. It'll be alright."

Taiga did just that while she reminded herself of those affirmations as she decided to head to YouTube for now and pull up something funny.

That is, until a flash of lightning almost blinded her, even when her vision wasn't focused on the weather outside. And not long after, there came a monstrous, booming roar of thunder.

Taiga's eyes widened as her breath caught in her throat, and she tensed up...

Freezing on the spot, even though she wanted to somehow cover each of her ears at once, duck, cry out...

Anything.

She forgot about the severe thunderstorm warning that popped up on her computer's screen earlier. So it was too late to try and prepare for it.

Usually she could enjoy most storms, but Taiga didn't like being left unwillingly helpless and caught off guard in this way.

Apparently it was a form of Agoraphobia many didn't know about.

Well there went any semblance of calm she was previously feeling.

"Damn it..."

But, at least Taiga could relax a tiny bit, now that she at least knew what the source of that sudden loud noise was.

It was better knowing at times.

And as she was plunged into darkness, Taiga tried to think about how it was also a good thing she was already so used to living without the comfort of power in general for most her life.

Ever since she got out of the hellish experiences that came with being homeless...

Most newer technology especially was never really on her list of priorities.

She had never even had a phone until she was 17.

And Taiga had only been using her first computer for around 2 years now.

Though she made peace with it, and got in a good place to even think about getting a computer and figured out a good balnce with it all + get into the community still She made sure not to get too relaxed with it all first and foremost. Even if it was pretty nice to have after all.

However, that still didn't make the initial shock of the outré feeling of realizing:

"Oh, the power just went out" rising within her any less familiar.

She wasn't scared of the dark.

And it didn't look too bad in her opinion, for right now...

But soon it would get much darker.

There were no lights out in these woods besides the ones that (normally) came from within the confines of Taiga's abode.

Thankfully, while Taiga and her friends were setting up and fixing the cottage over time, she made sure that they were able to get a 10,000 watt portable generator for the residence.

Just in case.

'You never know' may as well be one of her monikers, because she sure thought it a lot.

Listening to her hunches, AKA that feeling Taiga got quite a lot in the pit of her chest cavity that more often than not came with a voice of reason™️, usually seemed to give her fantastic ideas of preparation.

Whether Taiga liked tiptoeing along the precipice of rational thinking VS overactive self-preservation was a discussion for another time.

Possibly with her therapist.

Speaking of therapy...

Now that she actually had the thought, as soon as she could move again, Taiga tried to take even more breaths as she realized just how badly she was on the verge of a breakdown...

Then she started counting 5 different things she saw around her office den, along with what she could feel, smell, and taste; going down a number for each sense.

...How did the order go, again...?

Did it matter in this moment?

Regardless...

It kind of worked.

So that was nice, at least.

And the noise that sent her down this spiral in the first place didn't happen again.

Despite the slight ringing left in her ear canals, Taiga couldn't bring herself to touch her scars like she wanted. Her hand repeatedly rose to start the action, but she continued to flex her fingers, flick her wrists and shake her head to try and distract herself.

Taiga also didn't want to clench her fists.

She didn't want her nails to cut into the palm of her hand again.

But... She didn't know where to place her fucking hands.

She continued twitching and flinching as she just...

Couldn't stay put.

This feeling always made her borderline nauseous. It was suffocating. Overwhelming. Everything was too much-

She tried... and failed... to just stay still again, as most of her body shook as well, and she fidgeted from this rising anxiety attack once again.

Remembering how bad it used to be was a relief, in a way, but also did not help.

Taiga hummed to herself for a second as she closed her eyes.

God, she was so tense...

Over just a little storm-

'No.

Don't start doing that.

You're allowed to feel this way.

It's fine.

Just...

Shut up for a second, I can't-!'

Taiga smacked the palms of her hands over her cheeks suddenly as she growled out in frustration for a moment.

It stung, but caused her to temporarily silence the thoughts.

...

For a while she got stuck in that irritating cycle for a while, before the sound of the rain ended up lulling her a little more as time ticked by.

Taiga eventually was able to get her breathing back down to normal and a single tear slipped past her as she looked up past the hair draped over her eyes, and out the window closest to her.

It didn't look, or sound, as bad anymore, which made her more relieved.

But the ears atop her head stayed lowered on instinct.

Just. In. Case.

Taiga grimaced and almost mocked herself. But she was just in a bad mood after how tonight has been going.

It was well into the evening by now, Taiga noticed as she wobbly got to her feet again.

She didn't even notice it this time when exactly she had sunken onto the floor, but Taiga couldn't bring herself to care about that right now as she quickly wiped her tear.

Taiga cleared her throat and hopped in place a little as she refocused more; trying to hone in on successfully regaining her balance.

It worked faster, currently.

It got "easier" over the years. Especially with the vertigo from her hearing issues, but...

To say it wasn't a struggle combating the lifelong effects she would have because of that would be a lie.

When she realized that she'd be good to take steps, without tumbling over, Taiga carefully went looking for her nata in the dark.

Her eyes could see through the veil all pretty well.

It was almost like second nature.

...And she almost wished that it was as effortlessly the same for her own veils of darkness...

Yet, Taiga was grateful that she could improve her balance overall and figure out ways that would be much better for her to mainly maneuver.

...That made her feel somewhat better...

She truly could feel her progress throughout the course of life.

It was always like this.

She'd hit rock bottom, then somehow bounce back.

Of course, deep down, she wanted to keep trying.

And whether she was defaulting to that out of a desperate need to cling to any form of happiness that came her way, or she actually felt hope at this point in time...

Taiga would figure it out later.

She truly knew it wasn't the end of the world.

...Well...

She didn't want to jinx it. So a part of her tentatively thought those words.

But she couldn't help these bouts of depression that left her like a drowned cadaver.

Because right now...

She was just... Tired.

And maybe that was ok for now.

Taiga tried to accept that that's how it was sometimes.

But hey... She found her nata. Right where she left it.

Taiga immediately grabbed onto its handle and expertly cleaned her weapon afterwards; its comforting form warming her soul's wounds like a therapeutic topical balm, almost immediately washing over her.

She very delicately ran her along the dull end of the blade, letting her fingertips glide over its finish before coming to rest upon Luci's ribbon tied around the end of her nata's handle as well.

It almost made Taiga want to sink down to sob again, but mostly...

It steeled her enough to help remind her for the millionth time that she'd genuinely be alright.

Even if things possibly got rougher.

She knew she was allowed to feel upset, even if her life was better than it ever had been before...

And no matter what, Taiga kept proving herself wrong whenever she thought she wouldn't make it.

Taiga paused as she registered that...

Tears were now flowing down her face without pause.

She made sure to keep her nata away from the onslaught of ACTH and Leu-enkephalin while she lightly raised a hand to her cheek as she felt it cascade down her skin.

But this time, as Taiga put her arm back down, she just let the tears flow without fight.

'You're not less worthy if you struggle.'

...Taiga's face switched from a frown to a blank slate as she decided that she wanted to view Luci's ribbon, and her precious nata out beneath the moonlight, after getting the generator set up.

Maybe if she was lucky enough to be bathed in the moon's generous kisses, she could find more peace of mind.

And it was be an honor.

No matter what, though...

Even if Luci couldn't physically, or interdimensionally be here...

Taiga knew that she was never actually gone.

Anyway...

This issue wasn't going to solve itself.

Markus would leave every now and then to explore more of the world, just like she did. And she was just fine with having her alone time.

But for so long, she got used to having an ally literally right by her side more often than not.

She didn't take him for granted, but didn't want to treat him as her therapist either.

They both needed their space and boundaries.

It was all daunting, and an extremely big shift.

But she tried her best.

At least Taiga knew what she was doing out here.

It made her feel nice to be able to handle things herself like this.

Despite any initial qualms.

Thankfully, she made sure to start her generator as necessary each month, to help keep its components lubricated.

Taiga knew that she could possibly still use her phone.

It wasn't dead, but this problem would bug her until she got it taken care of.

This was pretty urgent anyway, and she'd rather not stay in the dark, so...

She set up the generator with her empty hand and it ran without issue.

She didn't want to let go of her nata yet.

It wasn't a problem for her either way; being ambidextrous had its obvious perks. And speaking of dexterity, Taiga genuinely was in general, and her fingers were nimble after the routine of strenuous training she went through in the past.

Taiga let out a breath as the engine chugged along, and spun her nata absent-mindedly as she paced around.

As she left the lights that came back to life from inside, she basically shed her skin and was reborn herself.

And it was points like these in life that had Taiga blissfully remember to actually just take it all in.

There were many things she could do around here, as per usual, but there was something specific that her core was basically screaming at her to do before thinking about anything else first.

Taiga now could let go of her nata as she tucked most of it into her duffel bag and put it over her head to rest around her body.

She went barefoot, grabbed two wine glasses and a bottle she kept tucked away for a special occasion, before she left and locked up the cottage.

After getting to one of her favorite spots nestled around the middle of these woods,

Taiga took her bag off and put it on the ground near a stump.

She took out her irreplaceable billhook-esque blade and precisely displayed it sideways on top of the stump.

She gently straightened out the ribbon tied to it, and left it to dangle; it gently swaying in the soft breeze flowing by.

It hit the light perfectly.

Taiga moved over to the other side of the clearing so she could put the glasses down on a flat stone, before filling them up once.

Taiga set the bottle aside then grabbed a glass for herself to drink from, after raising it in the air for a toast of honor; leaving the other drink alone.

She'd celebrate Luci's memory until her demise.

Maybe even after that.

She rarely drunk any form of alcohol; not that she was against it. But it didn't come into her own mind much as a way to unwind.

This spot used to hold so much hate, and filth...

But it flourished and continuously blossomed.

Even without Taiga and her friends' help, she had a feeling this place wouldn't stop growing from what took place here.

She could've sworn that she saw some specks and sparkles of whites, purples, and golds floating around.

Each time she returned, it would only impress her even more.

As Taiga glanced around, she started to reminisce about her best friend and the fun times they were able to have so long ago, instead of the bad parts, now that she was able to keep those thoughts at bay.

She lightly gripped at the side of her white dress.

It reminded her a good deal of Luci's favorite old one that she adored spinning around in.

She loved synchronicities in this existence.

It made her feel even less alone.

Like the pieces of another puzzle being completed; satisfyingly clacking and sinking into place.

When she finished up the brick red liquid, she could feel just how much of a "lightweight" she was, but was able to just lightheartedly laugh at herself as she set down her glass as well and her cheeks already flushed a tiny bit.

She knew that she'd be fine, and knew the way to return home like the back of her hand by this point.

Taiga remembered how Luci was one of her biggest cheerleaders and would always encourage her to be her true "beautiful" self without shame.

It made her break out in a wide smile all of a sudden and she wiped her face as she spoke out loud.

"Here's to you, Luci~!

I love you!"

Taiga started to dance around without inhibitions.

She giggled softly as she raised her arms up into the air and closed her eyes again.

Unlike before, she had the choice of where to be.

If she wanted, she could happily live out here now beneath the heavens, with the survival skills she was able to gain after each calendar year.

She felt so blessed to be in the mystifying glow of the moon.

It was eternally powerful, and she knew this was just what she needed tonight.

It's like the moon knew every struggle, and just like us on Earth, went through ever-changing phases.

Taiga thanked each element around her; it becoming an even greater habit to her over time.

For nothing in particular, but also for every little thing.

There was no anxiety, no ego, no anything...

Besides becoming free.

//Just being thee

In a moment of clarity

We all

Belong in a moment like this

Twee, sterling; metempsychosis in this consecrated land\\

She danced under her audience of twinkling stars and planets up there in space too.

Taiga knew the stars especially weren't dead, she could feel it in her heart.

But even if some were, they still left behind such a gorgeous light.

And Taiga continued to choose walking down her path of tapping into your own light in the darkness.

As she danced into the morning, she cogitated and found that she actually was happy her power went out after all.

#Mika #“Taiga”#Taiga #Taira #writing prompt #writing #prompt

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